Destruction in Desire
by AussieEllie
Summary: As I stared at the blossoming purple which marred the perfection of my love’s skin, only one word echoed in my mind…Monster. Spoilers for Breaking Dawn.


**T****itle:** Destruction in Desire

**Summary: **As I stared at the blossoming purple which marred the perfection of my love's skin, only one word echoed in my mind…_Monster. _Spoilers for Breaking Dawn.

**Rating: **M

**Disclaimer: **Twilight and all related places and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer as do the few lines of dialogue taken from Breaking Dawn, p. 85.

**A/N:** I should be writing more of my song vignettes but after reading the honeymoon chapters of Breaking Dawn, this immediately sprang to my mind and would not let go. I know from what I have read that the reception for this book has not been entirely positive, but my muse (or in this case my inner Edward) demanded this story be told. It starts from when Edward leaves Bella to have her human moment during the start of her honeymoon on p. 81. Feedback would be much appreciated!

* * *

_Nought's had, all's spent _

_Where our desire is got without content. _

_'Tis safer to be that which we destroy _

_Than, by destruction, dwell in doubtful joy. _

Lady Macbeth, Act III, Scene ii

Macbeth, William Shakespeare

* * *

I kept my pace steady as I slipped out of the room, my strides measured with a calm I did not feel. Despite the low words murmured into Bella's ear, I savoured this moment alone to gather my thoughts, to marshal my courage for what was to come. A slightly bitter chuckle escaped my lips as I stopped at the fringe of the beach, resting my hand against a slightly swaying palm tree. Only I could compare the awaiting chance to _know_ my wife in the most intimate sense (and how that word made my dead heart fill with joy till I almost believed it could beat once again) to a soldier preparing to engage in the most fervent battle.

Removing the remainder of my clothing and draping them over the palm with slightly shaking fingers, I stood still for a moment, letting the humid air rise and swirl around me. Padding lightly across the last few metres of pristine sand, I waded into the warm water, the waves gently lapping at my heels, then my calves, the backs of my thighs and the low curve of my back, til I stood waist deep in the blackened sea. I stretched my arms up and out then let them come to rest on the surface of the water, my touch gentle, careful not to break the surface tension as I tried to forget the satiny skin which I would soon have to treat with the same care, the same delicacy. The ocean air carried a salty tang, laced with the scent of the myriad marine creatures which called these waters home and spiced with the aroma of the exotic flowers which dotted the island behind me. If I concentrated, the sweet floral scent of Bella's skin which I was hopelessly addicted to, floated as a top note to this isle bouquet.

Moonlight shone from above and I let my head fall back to stare at its silvery light, the faint outline of the man in the moon rearranging itself in my mind to portray the beauty of Bella's face. I saw her in everything, her silhouette appearing in the most mundane of items. She was my Virgin Mary, my miracle and now she commanded me to worship her with my hands, with my lips, with my body. I wanted to, oh how I desired to, to show her the depth of my love, the endless well of my devotion but the always present fear lurked underneath the lust. The black terror that this would not merely be one of her last human experiences but her final experience, that I would lose control and wake from my primal self to discover her lying still and lifeless beneath me, no hope for forever, eternity lost. I had discussed this with Carlisle, the danger to Bella acknowledged but his faith in my control had been unwavering. I had discussed it with Jasper and Emmett too, the former sympathetic, the latter comedic but both of them had swept past my fear, also having faith in what Emmett termed my 'will of steel'. I could not, did not find that faith in myself, but for Bella I would push aside my misgivings and try. She had given me the greatest gift, taking my name and intertwining our lives, our fates for as long as we lived and for that, I could give her this, the one human experience she so desperately craved.

A subtle increase in her scent alerted me to her approach, my ears picking out the changed timbre of the lapping waves as she slowly waded towards me. She stopped by my side and let her warm hand cover mine on the surface of the water, her fingers brushing against mine in a light caress.

"Beautiful," she commented, following my gaze to stare up at the moon overhead. I could spend hours listening to her voice, the slight tremble in her voice melodic.

"It's all right," I answered in an even tone, the moon having lost its lustre now that it competed with the illustrious beauty beside me. Turning my body slowly, I twisted my hand so that I could interlace her fingers with mine beneath the water, anchoring myself to her lest the bliss of seeing her shining face caused me to float away with the waves. Her dark eyes swam with emotion, love swirling in their depths.

"But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_," I continued, pinning her with my gaze, not letting it drop no matter how much I was tempted to take in the expanse of skin exposed to me. "Not with you standing here in comparison."

Foregoing the customary blush that usually stained her cheeks when I bestowed such compliments upon her, her lips twisted into a slight smile as she lifted her free hand and rested it directly over my still heart. The heat of her fingertips seemed to scorch through my skin, a miniscule shudder involuntarily wracking my form and making it harder for me to draw breath. If I lost a tiny measure of control with a mere touch of her hand, how would I fair with the entirety of her bare flesh pressed against mine? I suddenly needed her reassurance, her promise to comfort the fear which reared its ugly head and presented the macabre image of her lifeless form draped across our marriage bed.

"I promised we would _try," _I whispered, unable to put more strength into my voice, "If…if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."

Her eyes never wavered from mine as she nodded without hesitation, stepping forward to lean her head against my chest, her warm breath ghosting across my skin.

"Don't be afraid," she murmured, "We belong together."

Her whispered words caused the fear to melt, an utter sense of rightness, of love and lust and hope and eternity washing through my veins. We did belong together, fate having preserved me unchanged for so many years so I could meet her, the one who I was born to love, born to exist for. I brought my arms up to wrap around her tightly, the beat of her heart reverberating through me, a steady beat lulling the terror and stirring my desire as I focused on the sensation of her breasts pressed against my chest.

"Forever," I confirmed, memorising this moment and tucking it away into the large part of my mind reserved for everything Bella Sw…Cullen, before walking forward with my precious cargo, heading further into the water til it lapped at the column of Bella's milky white neck. She seemed quite content to stay in the circle of my arms, her lips pressing tiny kisses onto my neck, each one making me shiver, a reaction I knew she noticed as her lips curled into a slight smile against my skin. I loathed to break the peace which had settled over us, but I had truly meant for us to swim when I had suggested it and for selfish reasons, I needed some slight distance to pull my nerves together, the feeling of her bare skin against mine rapidly fraying my sense of control.

"A midnight swim usually implies motion," I tried to tease light-heartedly, but the low roughness of my voice belied my true feelings, the unstable nature of the lust rising through me betrayed. Bella lifted her head, eyes locking with mine once again, seemingly searching for something that once found caused her to grin and let go, letting herself float backwards, arms spread wide under the rolling waves. Relief and loss spread through me in equal measure, as I was torn between breathing a sigh of relief at this brief respite or mourning the loss of the feel of my wife's form bundled close to my chest. Before I could decide, the minx in question sent a wave of water towards my head, the warm droplets flattening my hair against my forehead. She cocked her head to the side as if contemplating the dripping masterpiece she'd created before grinning widely and taking off with an easy freestyle.

Content to watch her lithe form for a moment, as she swam with a grace she could never have managed on dry land, I silently thanked whatever force had brought this amazing woman into my life. I could still not fathom what good deed I could have possibly done to deserve an angel like her, but I was not going to question it again, not now as we stood on the precipice of consummating a love that would last til the stars fell from the sky.

"I thought you said motion was implied," came a lilting voice, Bella having stopped a distance away, only her head visible above the inky blackness of the water. "So are you going to join me or are you going to continue practicing your best impression of a statue?"

I narrowed my eyes in response, a wicked smirk curling my lips. Bella had barely taken her next breath before I was powering through the water, my arms wrapping around her midriff, propelling her backwards through the surf before she had time to squeal in protest.

"Edward?"

"Hold on," I commanded softly, briefly slowing so her arms could find purchase around me. She clung to my neck and I shifted her around to my back, the full length of her naked body pressed against mine as I continued to swim, her head coming to rest at the nape of my neck. Her legs came up to hook around my hips as we gained speed and I tried to ignore the small point of heat that settled against the small of my back.

"My very own jet ski," she giggled softly into my skin as we skimmed across the ocean, revelling in the joy of being free, of being released by the constraints Forks and family held us to. It was just Bella and I, and for these next few weeks that was all it would be. Suddenly gripped by the need to touch her, the need to feel her lips beneath mine, I changed course and swam back towards the shore, stopping mere metres from the beach. Swinging Bella around, I gathered her in my arms and pressed my lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Her mouth opened slightly under mine, a low moan escaping as I let my tongue brush against her lower lip, then the upper before carefully, slowly tangling with hers. I should've expected her reaction, the reckless abandonment of caution as she clung to me with as much force as she could muster, her kiss becoming faster, harder, her talented tongue mere millimetres from my razor-sharp teeth. Jerking back, I took in a breath of unneeded air as Bella's slightly dazed expression gained a hint of apprehension with a tinge of sheepishness.

"If this is going to happen, it has to be my way or no way," I warned sternly, flashes of lifeless eyes playing before me, "I will not put you in any more danger than you already are."

I waited til she nodded in acquiescence before once again gathering her in my arms, our lips pressed back together with rising passion. Leaving her swollen mouth, I trailed a line of icy kisses down her jaw and across to her ear, my tongue lightly swiping against her flesh to take in the delectable taste, the sweet softness that was purely Bella mixed in with a salty tang from the water droplets still clinging to her skin. A surge of male satisfaction swept through me as she moaned my name into the humid air, sending spikes of lust through my groin and stirring my hardness against her thigh. Her blood flowed heated through her veins, the pulsing rhythm of her life pounding beneath my lips as my kisses trailed lower across her collarbone.

Unable to keep my hands idle any longer, I brought one up from its position on her back, ghosting across the warm satin of her skin, hesitating for only a moment before I gently caressed the curve of her breast. The reaction was immediate, her back arching towards me and her hips moving forwards so our lower halves were pressed together under the waves, the feel of my growing erection trapped between our bodies, her warmth in contrast to my chilled skin overwhelming my senses. Emboldened, I cupped her breast fully in my hand, and brushed across her nipple with my thumb, circling the small bud as she inhaled sharply. I brought my other hand up to repeat my actions on her other breast, pulling back slightly so I could see them by the silvery light of the moon.

"You're so…perfect, so beautiful," I whispered reverentially before dropping my head to softly flick one of the hardened nubs with my tongue. With a groan she tugged me closer as I laved her skin, alternating between gentle licks and delicate blows. She shivered in my embrace, her breathy sighs sweeter than any melody. With one hand now free, I traced a line down her stomach beneath the water, fingertips gliding across the curve of her hip before coming to rest atop the most heated part of her. She pressed herself closer to me, silently begging for something she could not articulate. With a groan I could not contain, I moved my fingers to caress her lightly, the water mixing with her wetness to let my fingers slide oh so easily against her. I found the swollen nub of her clit and pressed tenderly against it, causing Bella to whimper and spread her legs wider, her hands clutching at my back.

My mouth moved to torment her other breast as I angled my hand to slide one cold finger into her waiting warmth, the moan ripped from her lips making me smile against her skin. I slowly added a second finger and let them rest inside of her til she softly begged.

"Edward…please."

Unable to resist, I started to slowly move them in and out, the tips of my fingers curling inside her to find the spot that would make her gasp in pleasure, for the first time grateful that Emmett had taken it upon himself to 'educate' me in the best ways to make this more enjoyable for my love. I knew I had found it as her cries got louder, her hips moving insistently forward to try and increase the pressure. I kept a steady rhythm as I circled her clit with my thumb, wanting to see her come undone in passion for me, because of me. I trailed kisses back up her chest before pulling back in time to briefly see her pleasure glazed eyes before they fluttered closed, her voice crying out my name as she came around my fingers. I had never seen a sight more beautiful and was sure I never would.

I lifted my free hand to brush the back of my palm against her cheek, her head turning into the caress to press a soft kiss to my hand.

"I love you," I whispered, amazed at the gift she had just given me, the fact that she had completely let go in my arms.

"I love you too," she murmured back before glancing up at me from underneath half-closed eyes, "Bedroom?"

"Bedroom," I confirmed, pulling her close to my chest and carrying her slightly boneless form out of the water, stopping only to pull her towel from the palm to wrap around her form. My clothes could stay there for the moment, I had more pressing matters to deal with. Uncaring about getting the pristine white sheets damp, I laid Bella down on the bed with no hesitation. Kneeling at the edge I took in the absolute beauty before me. She was more perfect than I could ever have imagined, from the mounds of her breasts to the smooth expanse of skin stretched across her stomach, from the curve of her hips to the neat patch of curls covering the apex of her thighs. She was perfect in every way and she was mine, for all eternity she was mine.

I raised my eyes to hers finding a red blush had taken residence upon her cheeks, a look of guilty pleasure shining in her eyes alerting me to the fact that she had used the time I had taken with my perusal of her form to gaze at my own.

"You're perfect…so beautiful," she whispered in an echo of my earlier words. I sense of shyness suddenly descended upon me, and I knew if I were still capable, a healthy flush would be staining my cheeks. Moving to hover over her, I placed my knees on either side of her hips, dipping my head down to capture her mouth in a kiss. I poured all of my love, all of my devotion into that single embrace, saying with actions what I could not with words which had so suddenly deserted me in the face of her paralysing perfection. I knew she often considered herself plain compared to me, but she could not be farther from the truth. If I dazzled her, she absolutely stunned me, she was the most beautiful woman in all of creation in my eyes and I would show her that, I would make her believe that with this act of love.

Recreating my actions from earlier, I trailed icy kisses and caresses across every inch of her skin, the warmth underneath my fingertips so deliciously inviting. I explored the sinewy lengths of her arms, kissed my way across her stomach, and caressed her long legs with slightly shaking hands. She whimpered underneath my touch, moaning when I returned to her neglected breasts, carefully sucking the hardened point of her nipple into mouth while rolling the other one between my fingers.

Unlike earlier however, this time Bella's hands were not idle, her fingertips exploring the planes of my chest, gently rubbing across my nipples pulling a low groan from my throat and causing my erection to twitch against her thigh. She did not stop there, her hands gliding downwards to rest on my thighs, drawing random patterns before she took a deep breath and tentatively stroked one hot fingertip along my length. My mouth froze in a wordless groan upon her skin as she gained more confidence, her hand closing more firmly around me, a light squeeze almost short-circuiting my nerve endings with pleasure.

I pulled back from her breast and clenched my teeth, my eyes screwing shut as I gathered my rapidly fraying control enough to still her hand on me, bringing both of hers up to pin them gently above her head. Looking down at her, I moved my hips to brush the head of my cock against her, our voices joining together in a mingled moan. Any doubts I had about what we were about to do were swept away with that contact, with the feel of her warmth wrapped around the slightest inch of me making me wonder what it was going to feel like to be enveloped in it, buried within her scorching flesh. But I still had to ask, to gain her permission this one last time.

"Bella, are you sure? This is…I'll try and make this as painless as possible but it's going to hurt."

For a second she was silent, before she lifted her gaze to mine, absolute certainty shining in those beautiful brown eyes.

"Edward Cullen, I have never been surer of anything in my life. Now make me yours, my husband."

Those whispered words penetrated deep into my soul, setting my inhibitions free. With one careful thrust, I buried myself fully into her before stilling, a soft cry of pain passing through Bella's lips.

"Beloved?"

"I'm fine," she whispered, breathing in deep, "I'm fine." To prove her point she experimentally rocked her hips upward, the friction created delicious in its intensity. Assured and unable to keep still with the feel of her walls clenching around my hard length, I began to slowly rock against her, leisurely thrusting in and out, carefully controlling the amount of force I used to press her against the mattress. The sensation was indescribable, the feeling of being joined, of our bodies moving together coiling pleasure within my stomach, spiralling out til all my nerve endings sparked and every inch of me screamed Bella. I could hear her heartbeat's rapid staccato rhythm grow faster as her cries grew louder, her blood rushing faster through her veins as her body moved in time with mine.

"Faster," she gasped into my ear, "Harder, please Edward, please!"

"I'll hurt you," I managed to grind out, her pleas reminding me of the fragility of her mortal body.

"You won't," she moaned, "You won't. I trust you. I love you."

I caved to her demands, my hands moving to grip her upper arms, my thrusts becoming harder, my cock squeezed on every downward motion as she clenched her inner muscles, her legs hooking around my hips to pull me in the closer, the slight change of angle pulling louder cries of pleasure from her lips. I crushed my mouth to hers, kissing her with ardent desperation. I could feel the pleasure start to overwhelm me, could tell by the change in her scent that she was close too. I nuzzled her neck, her blood singing more sweetly to me than it had that first day in biology. Venom flooded my mouth and I growled, I would not let my bloodlust ruin this, not now, not when we're so close. Tearing my head away from her neck, I bit down in the pillow next to her with terrifying force, ripping open the cover to shower feathers over us.

Bella did not seem to notice, nor care, lost in the same haze of pleasure that was swamping me. My movements were becoming erratic, I was losing control as everything narrowed down to the woman beneath me, her voice calling out my name in an endless prayer, her hands clawing at the bed as she violently moved her hips upward to meet mine.

"I love you," I murmured in an endless litany, "My Bella, I love you, I love you."

Underneath me, her body tensed then with one final cry, she climaxed, the feel of her squeezing so tightly around me enough to ignite the building sparks in my groin til my whole body felt as if it was in flames and I was lost. Lost on a tidal wave of pleasure so strong, feeling that in this moment, I could almost touch heaven with the angel in my arms. After what seemed like an eternity, awareness flooded back, the feel of Bella's slowing heart rate anchoring me back to reality. I opened my eyes to see her staring up at me with love and wonder, contentment and amazement which I knew she could see reflected back in my own. Her eyelids fluttered, as she fought to stay awake, her hands lazily stroking my back.

Gently extricating myself from her, I rolled to the side and pulled her against me, her head automatically settling against my chest.

"That was…perfect," she breathed out, her voice so quiet that if I had been human, I would not have heard her.

"It was," I whispered softly in return, "Now sleep my love, my beautiful Bella."

I brushed a kiss against her hair as her eyes drifted shut, her breathing slowly evening out to the steady rhythm of sleep. With her nestled in my arms, I closed my eyes, content to just lay and rest, to let my mind drift in the afterglow. Hours passed with no distinction, the contentment of laying here with my wife in my arms almost mimicking the comforting darkness of sleep which had so readily eluded me for nigh on 80 years. When the first rays of sun started to creep across the sky, I finally opened my eyes to gaze at the sleeping beauty next to me and froze.

There, underneath the blanket of feathers which had settled over her form, was my worst fear realised, a horror painted in broad strokes of purple and dashes of blue. Running up and down her arms, across her shoulders, her stomach was evidence of my most unforgivable sin. I had hurt her. I had hurt my Bella. I could not bring myself to touch the darkening bruises mottling her skin, and would have withdrawn from touching her completely if not for the knowledge that it would disturb her slumber and awake her to face the pain I had inflicted much too early. All of the self-confidence gained last night crumbled into ash which filled my mouth with its bitter tang.

My love, my wife had asked me for one thing, one experience and I had ruined it…I had ruined her. I could only think that the pain must've been masked by the pleasure, or perhaps she had hidden it well from me. I had certainly been in no shape to notice, I thought disgustedly, fixated as I had been on the pleasure she had induced and in controlling my renewed lust for her blood.As I stared at the blossoming purple which marred the perfection of my love's skin, only one word echoed in my mind…_Monster. _There was no escaping it, no other word which fit the low creature, the vile thing that I was.

With self-loathing crashing through me with a vengeance, I turned my gaze blankly to the ceiling above. The best night of my existence, but not of hers, it could not have been of hers considering what pain I had inflicted upon her. When she awoke, I would apologise, I would apologise a thousand times for destroying what was meant to be a celebration of our love, of our life together with my selfish desires. I could only hope she would forgive me.


End file.
